A semi-regular feature in which my wife and I attempt to sketch the faces of famous people based on each other’s descriptions. Time for an adjective workout and some yogic language flexibility!
“White female. Youngish. Swooped back 80s hair, like a girl mullet. Strong jaw, high cheek bones, and a lot of forehead. Her eyes are a little big for her face. They’re dark — the kind of brown that looks black in strong light. She’s got, um, strong eyelids? Is that a thing? Her eyebrows are thin, arched, and hairy. Medium nose, kinda like a triangle. Sideways, not outward. Kinda big nostrils. And, oh yeah, you can see one of her ears.”
[Verdict: An outsider cartoon version of Sigourney Weaver. Possibly drawn on a watering can.]
“White male. Not young. Twice the normal amount of face. Beardy. It’s dark brown with gray. Hair swoops from one side to another. Same colors. Eyes lost in his face, wide-set. His eyebrows look like they start farther out than normal, but it’s just that his eyes are really wide-set. Dark brown. You can see his lips, just barely, inside his beard. Full lower lip. He has a bow on his upper lip, but it’s thin. Big cheeks and smile lines. He has a broad nose, bulbous at the end, and there’s a crease at the top. The most you can see of his ears is the bottom of one earlobe.”
[Verdict: A police sketch artist’s rendition of a witness describing a run-in with Matt Berry in a Bigfoot costume.]
“Black female. Youngish. Oval face. Big hair, in a triangle, but it’s rounded, kind of like a halo or a lion’s mane. It’s curly, and she’s got some curly bangs. Big smile. Lots of teeth, but just the top row. Medium lips with strong lipstick. Cheeks and chin matched in roundness and prominence. They’re at the edge of her face, right next to her hair. You can’t see her ears for her hair. Medium nose, but bigger at the end. A strong tip and wide edges. Lots of eye makeup. Strong eyelashes. Eyebrows like sideways commas. They’re strong closer to her eyes then they suddenly taper to thin lines.”
[Verdict: Whitney Houston cosplaying as Pennywise from Stephen King’s “IT,” plus a monster sentient chin.]
“White female. Of a certain age. Dark brown hair. Short pixie cut with bangs like a waterfall, sort of wispy. You can see both her lower ears and she has diamond earrings. The top of one on her ears has another diamond earring. Square jaw and a strong chin. She has a big smile and you can see all of her upper teeth and quite a bit of the gum line. The lower lip is full but the upper lip is just a line, stretched tight. Her nose is normal-sized but kind of broad and blunt at the end. Her eyes are deep-set, dark brown. She doesn’t have a lot of eyelashes. Her eyebrows are small and hairy, like little weasels. She has the kind of smile lines that go from the outer corners of her nose to the outer corners of her mouth. She also has the kind of dimple lines that start on the outside of her chin.”
[Verdict: What Olivia Colman looks like through the “They Live” sunglasses.]
I’d show the sketches and source material side-by-side, but don’t have the budget for the actual photos here. Feel free to click the links and judge for yourself.